Honor: 54 [ Give / Take ]
18 entries this month
Finally!
02:17 Nov 27 2007
Times Read: 934
I finally found a time period I can get on VR right now. LOL! Nothing like getting on when I am pumping my boobies of moo-moo! Haha!
Miss Aurora Bliss was born on November 14th. She weighed 8 pounds and 3.4 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. She was already trying to hold her head up on her own before we left the hospital and rolled half-way over on the 17th.
We moved on the 18th. Wow, that was an experience! The whole past two weeks have been nothing but an experience. I am hoping to be able to type everything out sometime soon...
Plus get active in the house and my own coven soon. Right now, Aurora is sick, conspitated and fussy, Brett's job hunting, and I am trying to unpack everything.
Oh and just to put this little side note in... the doctor had to cut and I have stitches. No, I didn't have a c-section. And yes, I am paranoid about the stitches getting infected...
Can you guess where they are? LOL!
I might be able to write more later on. Bye!
Oh and pictures will be coming soon. I want to kill Brett, he sent his entire family breast-feeding pictures! His family did not need to see my tits!
01:34 Nov 17 2007
Times Read: 947
Had a baby. Tiffy tired. And hurting. Post more tomorrow or in a few days, moving Sunday morning.
*sighs* Tiffy wants sleep. Brett Brett on duty tonight.
Um, um, um
22:57 Nov 13 2007
Times Read: 954
*whimpers*
I am going to the emergency room tonight because of high blood pressure...
Being induced tomorrow if they still have the slot.
*screams* I am terrified!
Never Again03:45 Nov 12 2007
Times Read: 965
Take my word and never have mad kitty sex while pregnant!
It hurts like hell the day after...
And cats are violent as fuckin' hell!
But it is fun!
It's about three shades darker then it shows in the picture and there are multiples.
I tried to escape, but it didn't work.
I was bitten on the nape of my neck and drug back to the bed!
LOL! All because I wouldn't give kisses!
Now someone is grounded from biting for a little while.
Back From the Doctor's
23:12 Nov 09 2007
Times Read: 967
*beep* *beep* *beep*
Tiffy leaking fluid... Time to take her into the garage...
Vroom Vroom
**The above is something I meant to post before I left for the doctor's appointment.**
I am 2 centimeters dilated, almost 3. My cervix is 70% thin.
The doctor said my water can break at any time, as early as tonight.
We can induce within the next week. But it is quite likely I will go into labor before my next appointment.
I will explain the first part of this entry when I am feeling a little better.
Going Insane
11:07 Nov 09 2007
Times Read: 969
I can't sleep. The only thing I can think about is going to the doctor's today. The past couple of days have been hell in the family department.
Brett's family discovered we were thinking about inducing labor. His sister, Kelly, called and lectured us beyond belief. She called his sister, Angel, and less then two minutes later after Kelly hung up with us, Brett's mom called. She went as far as to make Brett promise we wouldn't induce. *sighs*
Yesterday evening was a little bit of relief. His dad called and Brett made our case. Now his dad agrees with us and I'm guessing he called Kelly. Whatever the heck happened, Kelly called and apologized to me and Brett.
Well, I find out today whether we can induce or not. We find out my lab work and also how much more my body has changed. I am scared to death at this point. I don't want to but I know I need to. I just wish I could guarantee everything will turn out alright and go as planned. At least if we can induce, my mom will be beside me, along with Brett of course, in the delivery room.
I know the risks of inducing labor early. It will only be a week and a couple of days early though. I know I will be in for more pain and discomfort then if we would let it happen naturally. And I am not turning down the epidural, I am asking for it as soon as possible.
I am terrified, I admit it. But all this will be worth it once I am holding my baby in my arms.
*Yes, I am crying right now as I write this and I think if it wasn't for VR and getting my coven approved the other day, I wouldn't be able to cope right now.*
Oh on another pregnancy note:
I decided not to take my dad's ring with me to the hospital, whether Brett would be wearing it or not. That ring means too much to me.
Instead, I am taking a baby pound puppy. *smiles* My parents gave me a pregnant pound puppy when I was little for Christmas one year. The mama dog had four puppies. I gave one to my daddy to keep him company when I went to my Grandma's. It is the only pound puppy I can find now and I have it with me.
I am taking that to the hospital with me.
I just hope and pray I see him there in the delivery room. It's been so long since I have seen him last. I have to wonder if Nala kitty sees him anymore. And when the last time Tyler Brat saw him.
I can hope, can't I?
I think I might be getting off and sneaking into bed with Brett just so I can be close to him right now. I don't want to wake him up. He's getting up at 5:30 this morning anyway. There's only 23 minutes before I get him up, I might make it.
Yay!!
03:33 Nov 08 2007
Times Read: 983
My coven was approved!!!
Now to spend all night, well until I can't stay awake anymore, getting it up and running.
Yay! I can't believe it! Hehe! God, I think we are probably getting a noise complaint within the next couple of days! *blushes*
Once Brett goes and gets my binder from the car, I will be able to get things going! Holy crap, I can't believe it!
Boy Bands Ahoy!
19:23 Nov 07 2007
Times Read: 984
Thanks MysticalChild! I am on a boy band remembrance run now! LOL!
New Kids on the Block
Backstreet Boys
98 Degrees
N*Sync
LFO
Westlife
I think I am driving Brett crazy! LOL! I was insane over them and I admit it!
Sad thing is what more is MCR, the Used, and some other bands of today other then modern boy bands. They adapted to the changes! Beware!
Coven Update
18:24 Nov 07 2007
Times Read: 986
Cancer did receive my coven application! Yay! He has just been behind in getting to it. But I did send him a message this morning asking whether he did get it or not since I was having trouble messaging radu and Daire that day. So now it is the waiting game but at least I know it is in his message center waiting as well.
:-)
That makes me feel a whole lot better.
Babies! Babies! Babies!
11:40 Nov 07 2007
Times Read: 991
So far VR babies born are:
Adora and Yendor had their's on November 1st
snd
now, Satioh and GHOSTPUNK had their baby yesterday, on November 6th.
Does that mean mine and fyrestrike's will be the third VR baby of the month of November?
Or will another VR couple take the number three spot?
Submitted
07:42 Nov 06 2007
Times Read: 998
Alright, so I submitted my application to Cancer earlier tonight. I am trying to be patient. It's not easy though.
He was online for a while but I know he's busy.
I am just hoping to know something later on today. Right now, I think I am going to bed. I want to get up early and clean, depending on my mood, energy level, and pain level. My back won't quit killing me and the baby's head is a little bit lower now.
I kind of have to wonder if the doctor I see this week will 'massage' the cervix. LOL!
Oh by the way, thank you QueenMorbid for talking with me about things! You really helped me out a lot. I haven't been so stressed about things lately either! I still can't wait for her to come out though.
Night all. *yawns*
*sniffles*
20:53 Nov 05 2007
Times Read: 1,014
The private entry directly below this one is my application to create my own coven. I am sitting here debating about leaving my house so I can submit it.
I am literally pouting because I want to so badly, yet I don't want to leave my house.
I currently have two accounts in my house. I don't know whether Daire would be willing to transfer my responsibilities as news master to my other account or not, and I would completely understand if he didn't care to. After all, my other account is down in status right now and I am just now really beginning to get on it and become active. I hope he does let me keep news master by transferring it over but I don't really expect him to.
I want to speak with him and radu before I do leave the house. I talked to them both before when I created the second account but I don't just want to disappear sometime today without thanking them both for everything.
I think I am pretty much going to go ahead and start up my coven either later today or tomorrow and work on it. I should have a lot of it done over this week.
I mean come on, I am possibly inducing labor sometime next week. I am scared to death and miserable. I really do need something to take up my time. I will probably be concentrating on the coven and my second account to get them both up and running.
So the final question to myself is...
am I really going to do this and start something I have wanted for so long?
Or am I going to sit by and just watch the opportunity sit there within reaching distance and let taunt me for days?
Coven Application19:58 Nov 05 2007
Times Read: 1,019
Coven Name:
The Coven of the Darkened Forest
Coven Crest:
Coven Mark:
The Cat's Eye Nebula
Representation of Coven:
The Ringtail
Representation File:
16:21 Nov 04 2007
Times Read: 1,030
For a friend...
Debating About the Coven
07:14 Nov 04 2007
Times Read: 1,035
*sighs* As many people on here know, at least the closer ones know, I have been planning on starting a coven since a short while after the society system was put in effect. I have been looking forward to it always and have pressed through the levels to make it to Sire on my own, finally!
My views and overall take on the houses and covens has developed as I have seen houses change masters and the covens grow, reach a certain peak, and then have a downfall caused by different reasons. I have raised the bar in what I am looking for in members to induct. I saw the necessity or reasoning behind forced induction before the favor system changed. (I think that was because of looking into V:tM and also watching Brett and them play D&D).
I will be willing to work with people who have actually given my coven a fair amount of time to see if they will enjoy it or not. I won't work with the whiny members who try to bully their way out.
Anyway that's not the reason why I am typing this entry right now and there will be plenty of time to put my views and thoughts about societies out there. Plenty of time to put how I want my coven to run too.
So back to my reason for writing this...
I can't decide whether I want to start the coven now or wait until I am back in Ohio.
I should be having my baby very soon. We're probably going to be inducing labor sometime after the ninth, depending on my lab results and how dilated I am. That being said, I have three choices.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(1.)
I wait until I am in Ohio and have internet access before sending my application to Cancer for approval.
(2.)
I leave my house and submit my application to Cancer. That way I can start inducting members and get things set up.
(3.)
I leave my house and submit my application to Cancer. I spend time getting the coven ready for members but wait until I am in Ohio to start inducting members.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now to analyze it all. Yay!
(1.)
Waiting until I get to Ohio has it's good points, along with it's bad. It seems unfair for me to start up a coven and induct members, just to abandon them this early because of childbirth and the move to Ohio. It would also let me plan out the coven more and get more of it together. There would be no chance of drama from the members or other society members causing me stress or just stress from keeping up with the coven. The huge downfall for me is I am impatient, BIG TIME! I have been waiting for this for a long, long, long time and I finally have it in my reach. I have all the files done too. I have some of the pages planned out. I am organized and really want this. I want it now! *sniffles*
(2.)
This one is the option I like the most right now. As I stated in #1, I am very impatient. I want to get started as soon as possible. I would be able to start inducting members as soon as it got approved and start earning some currency for possible trades. It would also give me the chance to work on the pages and get everything set up sooner. The big plus is I would be able to get my mind off of certain things for now since worrying is starting to consume me. I have been getting desperate trying to find something to occupy my time with and Vampire Rave has always been a sanctuary for me. Now, one of the huge downfalls is I would feel like I have abandoned the members I do induct for a week, possibly two weeks. I don't it is as fair to them about inducting them into a new coven when I know I am going to have a baby soon and then move to Ohio, where it will probably be at least a week before I can get internet access up and running.
(3.)
This option seems the most fair to everyone. I would be able to start my coven up and get the pages that I want done. I could make it the way I wish without having to worry about it being judged. And it would be a unique way of doing it... getting a coven approved by Cancer, setting it up, and don't reveal it until I am ready for a "grand-opening." Only thing is that grand-opening would probably be in a couple of weeks. *sighs* But I wouldn't feel it was unfair to the future members, I would have something to occupy my time with, I could learn the ins and outs of the society ways, and I could probably build up some relations with other society masters.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are my cases, for now at least. I have been thinking about it for more then a month now since I knew I would make sire on my own before we moved.
But as for which one I will choose, I have no damn clue.
I am about to say the hell with it, just submit the application and then decide what I am doing from there, whether I will induct members or wait.
*sighs*
I think I have already made up my mind on this...
I think I am just too chickenshit to commit to it right now with so many things in the unknown.
Acolyte Situation
12:09 Nov 02 2007
Times Read: 1,043
Someone contacted me for help on here while I was crying uncontrollably. *sighs* If she reports it to Cancer I am alright with it. I won't deny I said it or that it happened. What's the point of that? I always admit my own actions and mistakes.
The message:
"MorbidLullaby
07:28:53
Nov 02 2007
Ok, so I took off the pimp-my-profile info from the top of my profile. Why is it that I still can't see my background?"
My reply:
"Um, this is probably going to come off the wrong way but it isn't meant to be rude or anything. I am having a bad night and the request help link in the main menu is there for a reason. Another acolyte or administrator will probably be able to get to your problem sooner then me right now. There are usually some of them lurking about this time. And honestly, I do not know why you are having problems with it. I have been having problems trying to change some of the aspects of my own profile as of late so I am of no help on your problem anyway. I hope you have a better day then me. Later."
I find it extremely rude when someone messages a single acolyte about something concerning the site, especially right now with me. I have been feeling miserable, depressed, been having contractions and cramps, and just plain irritatable.
I don't mind answering the questions when they are asked in the manner they are meant to be via the request help link. I usually answer them in fact, every time I am online and know the answer.
This is the first time someone has hit the wrong button with me on the matter. I controlled it to a point considering what I could have said.
I am not proud of my reaction and reply but I am not ashamed of it.
Cramping Insanely
11:58 Nov 02 2007
Times Read: 1,045
Don't read unless you want to know things people probably shouldn't read...
I am still cramping from my OB appointment yesterday. I am dilated a loose 1 centimeter and still 50% thin.
They want me to be at least 2 centimeters dilated if I am considering inducing labor. They also want my iron to be a certain level since I am anemic. *sighs* I have a really bad feeling my iron isn't high enough right now because of my recent undesirable eating habits.
I have been puking more then I have been keeping food down. I have been surviving off of soup for a couple of days and yesterday, I actually started eating real food again. I am just hoping I can manage to keep it down like I should be.
Anyway, the OBs are evil. My reasoning is this... with them checking my cervix, especially today there has been drainage. Since I have gotten home, it has been over the top! It's a nasty mixture of mucus and blood. It is still coming out and I am worried about it. At least the flow of it is starting to slow down so I don't think it is anything to really worry about.
But how am I supposed to know if it just normal or something to seriously worry about? How do I know if it is too much and I need to go to the hospital? And how the hell do I know if it is just spotting or the rest of the mucus plug coming out?
The OB wants me to start 'massaging' myself to get the opening to stretch more so it takes down my chances of having to be cut. But she already warned me that it is going to be uncomfortable and hurt when I do it.
*sighs* I am debating about it. Do I want to suffer with cramps and muscle spasms to where I can't really do anything, or just deal with an incision at the vaginal opening? I am seriously considering the latter at this point.
The idea of fingers being inserted right now freaks me out because the doctor could actually feel the baby's head! She poked it and the baby kicked my ribs. Nice, huh? But if she could actually feel the baby's head then isn't there a higher risk of the sac being accidentally being ruptured?
If I am dilated at least 2 centimeters next week and my blood count and iron are the 'right' levels... I will be induced a couple of days after.
Am I ready for this? I mean honestly, am I?
I am scared to death and wanting to hide somewhere so I can cry away from everyone. I am ashamed because I started crying uncontrollably in the waiting room of the doctor's office today.
I have been keeping emotions bottled up lately because there is too much to do and too many things to get done without having to try to find time to cry and/or write. And honestly, I haven't wanted to do either. I feel like I am horrible for fearing all of this so much but I know my fears are normal, completely normal... but that doesn't change my own feelings caused by the emotions I am experiencing.
I keep on thinking of how much I just want my dad back and alive for the day I go into delivery, whether he is pain or not because of his conditions. I am feeling so selfish because of my thoughts and own wishes. Why do I want him back? Because honestly, I feel that I need him here to be able to make it through all of this. I am finding myself thriving off the pain every now and then and that's seriously not normal. Sometimes I will turn or move in a way, just to cause myself a sharp pain to be able to get a grasp on myself and not become lost in my thoughts. i am pathetic, or at least I think so. I can't even get a grip on reality as of recently. I am terrified of Brett going out and leaving me by myself. I keep on saying it's in case my water would break. But honestly, it's because I can't stand my own emotions.I can't stand my own thoughts. And I can't stand being alone. At least when he is around, I can concentrate a little more and I tend to stay away from a lot of thought trains.
I feel horrible though because we got into a little bit of an argument yesterday and he thought I was crying because of him. I wasn't. He just gave me a nudge in the right direction to get me to open up and let some of the emotions escape.
God, I just want my water to break and get through this already. Every damn day that goes by, my fears get more and more apparent. I am starting to let it effect the people around me and I am trying not to but it's impossible sometimes.
I do not want to get pregnant again. I really don't want to. I am happy about this pregnancy and I don't regret it. But I can do without this emotional roller coaster and I am sure by now Brett feels the same way.
I don't think I was ready for this... childbirth, I mean. I am okay with becoming a parent to a child. I am just scared to death of going through childbirth.
I think I am finally all cried out now and I think I am going to get to bed or try to, even though Brett has to be up in about 30 minutes. *shrugs* Maybe I will go into lurking or something if I can't accomplish sleep.
I Want Time to go Faster!
18:15 Nov 01 2007
Times Read: 1,048
I just want to get this all over with. I am tired of mild contractions and being overall miserable.
I am scared to death and my fears are coming to life again... BIG TIME!
Brett keeps on teasing me lately. I wonder if he realizes how much I just want to run and cry in a corner somewhere.
I want my water to break and this all to get moving.
Now it's time to get ready to leave for my OB appointment. I wonder how much I am dilated today, considering the contractions are 50 minutes apart.
I DON'T want to get pregnant again.
Not that I regret getting pregnant in the first place or anything. I am glad for the life growing inside of me. I just don't care to be this miserable and feeling hopeless again in my life. No matter what I do, I can't cheer up. I just keep waiting, worrying, and wanting the contractions to jump ahead to where I go to the hospital already.
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